This month, Senior Editors A. and S. were too busy shooting guns, disbelieving Christine Blasey Ford, and other deeds of bigoted nonsense, to come up with anything for Punk of the Month. They asked myself, Michael Eric Hymen, to perform the deed for them, and let me choose the candidate myself. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this guy here is the real deal. Mr. Charles M. Hermes. Whadda guy.

This unfortunate hero recently faced up the black army of Steven Crowder, his buddy Owen Benjamin, Crowder’s Dad, as well as an assortment of camera crew – and came out looking totally not ridiculous and believable. Thank God! (There is no God; I lacked a better expression).

Mr. Hermes is being attacked after he fought to prevent the baddy-bad guy Crowder from speaking at his teaching place SMU. As we all know Steven Crowder is a threat to us all. I mean look at his views!

1: Christian (get with the times, man)

2: WHITE

3: WHITEY white

4: Even his wife is white

5: He works hard at his job being funny and RIGHT-WING. Wait. He’s a white man. He’s never worked hard for anything in his life. Thanks to his white privilege, fame and success falls easily upon him. I’ll bet you anything that people of colour, behind the scenes, are being paid very little to do most of the work. This makes him a sort of modern day slave owner. 

His only redeeming quality is that so far, he has refrained from spawning white devil children.

Clearly we cannot allow this white terrorist to spread HIS truths around our young hungry interested (CISGENDER)men and (CISGENDER)women, am I not right? 

THIS is why our professor of logic here is such a hero, and so influenced! (NAZI! NAZI!)

He, Steven W. Crowder is clearly a NAZI, CLEARLY!

Our professor of Logic here lives up to his title. He’s such a good guy, he rhetorically attacks all conservatives personally. No one is free from his social justice. He has been known to even go after his conservative students (is it getting hot in here?) And those LIPS – am I not right? 

He’s such a good man, he’s turned his attacks into a family business! Not only has he fabricated death threats from Mr Crowder against himself but his SON is getting attacked by the big meanie too!

Again let’s look at the facts of the situation, Crowder is:

Anti-choice (cuz, like, choice is bad for Nazis right? Don’t look into it).

Pro-Gun (guns=bad. Bad guns are bad. Guns bad. Bad bad bad).

Black Lives clearly do not matter to him (FREE IDI AMIN)

Worst of all he’s clearly white (Whitey White. White. His wife is white. He’s white). He’s never even had black people on his show before.

How can we stop this man? This professor of Logic has got it down pat. He’s playing the game as it is played! Yes! (Yes please!) Obviously Crowder is wrong on every count. BUT – 

Whenever we argue with him, or those like him (Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, Owen Benjamin, Lauren Southern, Camille Paglia, Thomas Sowell, your [white] Dad) not only does he make complete logical sense in his arguments for anything he stands for, backed with ancient reason and boatloads of statistics – he can even argue the points that we make better then we can. What a Nazi, trying to talk it out.

So how do we stop him, and his baddy daddy, bad-guy whiteness?

Logically it’s been figured out.

Lie Lie Lie, do it until you and other people make it kinda true in yours minds. A lie repeated often enough becomes a truth. 

Now, chant with me!

CROWDER IS A NAZI!

CROWDER IS A NAZI!

KILL ALL THE NAZIS!

CROWDER IS A NAZI!

-Michael Eric Hymen

 

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